Magic, Monsters and Gangsters Oh my!
by Alex Wilder
Summary: Spidey meets Hellboy, find out how! first chapter is strictly spidey, setup if you will.
1. Chapter 1

"Dang it man, it's a conspiracy!"

I look at steve, the craziest underground columnist you will ever meet, with a mix of pity and humor. I don't know whether to humor him and his crazy theories, or laugh my head off.

"Steve", I say while trying desperately not to chuckle, "you've got to admit, your story seems a little… out there"

"Dang it Peter! That's what they want you to think!"

I've neglected to introduce myself, I'm Peter Parker, some know me better as spiderman. Right now I'm working with a new columnist for the daily bugle, who has somehow gotten it into his head that televisions control your mind, and aliens are running the government. The next thing you know he'll be telling me Barack Obama is Spidey!

"Pete, you're a smart kid, but your too close minded", says steve, "anyway, I wanted to ask you about some freelance work.."

I perk up, I'm strapped for cash.

"What kind of pictures you want?" I ask, usually columnist want shots of me zipping round the city, or punching Norman Osbourne.

Steve shifts his eyes conspiratorally, "I want you to hang out at this address", at this point he hands me a piece of paper, "I've got it from a reliable source that spidey frequents this area."

I look at the paper, it's Aunt May's address. I try to keep calm and turn back to Steve. "Who gave you the tip", I ask.

"Fisk", he whispers.

The king pin knows who I am, and to think, I was about to laugh at this guy.


	2. Chapter 2

*Click*

"Hi, I'm Mike Rowe and this is Dirty Jobs"

"Heh", snorted Hellboy, "You don't know Dirty Mike, you should try doing my job"

In the depths of the eastern BRPD outpost, Hellboy sat, eating nachos and watching T.V. His last assignment had involved a goat sucking Chupacabra in Mexico, and now he just wanted to zone out.

"Monster hunter my behind", mumbled Hellboy, "They make it sound so glamorous."

A young BRPD agent slowly eased open the door leading to Hellboys quarters.

"Agent Hellboy?"

"I'm watching T.V." Hellboy called out, "Hey, you want some nachos?"

He held his plate towards the young agent, who politely declined.

"They want you in planning HB"

"C'mon man! I just got done with that goat thing, don't I get a little rest?"

"I'm sorry sir, I was requested to come get you, orders are orders."

"Yeah, I guess they are", said Hellboy, "Hey do me a favor and call Mike Rowe, I've got a T.V. idea that I think he'd love."

Hellboy walked through the voluminous corridors of the BRPD. Down one hallway were some of the holding cells, for those monsters that just wouldn't stay dead. Down another was a laboratory where certain beasts were dissected. Hellboy walked down the scariest hallway of all, the legal department.

"How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?" Hellboy asked the agent walking with him.  
"I don't know, how?"

"His lips move", Hellboy smirked.

The two finally stopped in front of the planning room, the young man standing by the side of the door.

"Aren't you going in?" asked Hellboy.

"I don't have clearance sir."

Hellboy walked in the room, which was filled with BRPD agents, a lawyer from legal and the head of the planning department.

"Agent Hellboy", said the lawyer, "how nice of you to join us"

"Wish I could say the same", Hellboy answered, "Why are you here anyway, you planning to hunt some monsters?"

"I am here agent Hellboy, to insure that you do not cause so much property damage on your next assignment!" shouted the lawyer, "Do you know how much it costs the U.S. government everytime you throw a monster through a Mexican building? After which, I have to clean up the mess by legally threatening the Mexican government."

"Uh Huh"

"Hellboy", the administrator of the planning department interjected, "we called you here because of a gang problem in New York."

"Gangs? I usually fight monsters and magical beasts, things of that nature."

"Of course", said the adminisitrator, "The gang in question, is run by a Wilson Fisk, we believe he is using magic to control the crime world."

"So maybe monsters?"

"Yes, some of our psychics in the occult department have sensed a powerful magical being" the administrator opens a file on his left, "on October 17th, psychic subject 1104, percieved Fisks attempt to find his enemies identies through some magical influence, on the 18th, he summoned a powerful force, which we believe to be a demon."

"Hmm", said Hellboy, "sounds pretty exciting, I love New York!"


End file.
